Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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