I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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