he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
