dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
