Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is Oprah even human
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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