so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
