I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
