all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
