I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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