Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
