i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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