Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
