shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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