Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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