Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
