You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
