My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
