I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
