I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
