wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
