2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
