my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
