just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
