I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
