youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
