god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
