But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
