You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
