What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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