I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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