Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
