You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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