Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
