i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
