You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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