I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
