Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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