I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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