haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
