I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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