Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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