Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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