She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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