Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
