This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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