Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
