The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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