wakey wakey hands off snakey
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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