glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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