420 ftw
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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