If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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