hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
