trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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