Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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